"Never, ever underestimate the importance of having fun."...Randy Pausch
Sometimes you just got to have fun! There's nothing like getting together with a few friends and just enjoying each other's company. I have a few friends that, when we get together, it's guaranteed we're going to have some deep belly laughs and stories to tell at a later date.
There is no reason why, in the pursuit of everything important for a person to get ahead, that fun should be sacrificed. Work hard. Play hard. It's the best way to recharge your battery.
I received two phone calls this week from old friends. One is a friend who I just don't have a lot of contact with anymore. I tell you what. After just a few minutes of talking we fell into a few laughs reminiscing about things that we both nearly forgot. It was great. It was like we were just transported to a different space and time. With my other friend it turned out that we both had some available time this weekend so we planned to get together tomorrow. Now I can't wait. No matter what we do it's just going to be great.
Sometimes just getting on social media and sharing a few posts with friends can hit the spot. Tonight for instance my Facebook crew and I are sure to have fun posting about how our Cleveland Cavaliers are going to torch the Toronto Raptors in the Eastern Conference Finals series! Exchanging a dig here and there with my cousins up in Canada is just fun to us.
Look life is serious business. But that doesn't mean you have to be a stiff who doesn't know how to enjoy him or herself. Loosen up a bit when the opportunity is there. I always tell my boys to TCB. That stands for "Take Care of Business." If they TCB then they can have as much fun as they want. As long as nobody's getting hurt in the process. As a matter of fact my oldest son is at the Virginia Beach National Duals this weekend. Now I know for a fact he's going to put some work in. But I bet ya he's going to find more that a few ways to enjoy himself with his teammates! That makes me happy to think about.
Look I could go on...but today's message is intended to be light and easy. You know why? Because I want to go have some fun! And I encourage you to as well!
GO HAVE SOME FUN NOW!!!!
Until next time...
#YouMatter Tremendously
#GoldenRuleLifeStrategy #LiveYourLifeWithPurpose
I didn't say everybody's fun is of the same variety. These people are wild!!!
"The invariable mark of wisdom is to see the miraculous in the common."...Ralph Waldo Emerson
I posted this on my Facebook page but it really bears sharing to the entire world: "Of all the things someone could wish for you...health and happiness are BY FAR the greatest. Life is too short to fret upon most of the things we WORRY about...most of which never COME about.
We can't let the years, the chances, & important opportunities pass us by...thinking mistakenly that happiness is somewhere in the future...a destination to arrive at. Happiness is HERE! It's in the NOW! It's hearing your children's laughter. It's spending time with your family and the friends who mean the world to you. It's doing activities that you've enjoyed since you were a kid. It's the greatest gift you can...and should...give yourself. We have to be present to appreciate the moments that would otherwise elude us."
This, choosing to live in the present, IS something we have a choice in doing. I know too many people who stay firmly entrenched in the past, feeling guilty about transgressions and mistakes they made in an earlier chapter of their lives. Blaming themselves for things that occurred and that they can never go back and change. That type of emotional baggage is just too much to carry around. It serves no purpose except to weigh you down. You cannot change the past. Let it go.
Constantly worrying about the future is the ugly twin sister of living in the past. It creates needless anxiety. It robs you of the sights and sounds of the here and now that you can get pleasure from. People all to often fall into the "what if" trap. "What if this happens? What if that happens?" Running a million scenarios through their heads that usually never take place...and if they do it's usually not as bad as they thought it would be.
Happiness is such an important part of our emotional well being. I know that the entire field of psychology has opened up to the model of studying happy and well adjusted people, not just the people who have behavioral and emotional problems to deal with. I really think that's a step in the right direction. Let's become students of successful, happy people also to see what we can learn from them in order to better help people with true clinical depression. We have to know and understand both sides of the spectrum...and everything in the middle. Kudos to the modern day practitioners in the mental health field.
I am admittedly not a mental health expert. But I have enough life experience behind me to know that unconditional love, acceptance, hope, faith, perspective, gratitude, and choice all are factors which play a role in how happy one can be. And it's helped me to examine my own thoughts and utilize the advice of many who suggest trying to get the most out of life by focusing on the here and now. There are wondrous things surrounding us each and every day. We have to tune into the present to derive the most out of life. Tomorrow is simply not guaranteed. Plan and work for an awesome future, but enjoy the journey. Reflect on the past...but don't obsess about things you are unable to change.
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change...the courage to change the things I can...and the wisdom to know the difference.
"Discipline is the bridge between GOALS and ACCOMPLISHMENTS."...Jim Rohn
This is such an important word to grasp the complete meaning of early in life. I am absolutely convinced that you can be the most well intentioned person in the world. You can have the best idea's and dreams. You can have charisma dripping from every pore in your body. You can have creativity and imagination in abundance. You can be bursting with energy and optimism. You can have all these wonderful attributes...but without selfdiscipline you will still fall way short of your goals. The all important character trait of discipline has everything to do with a person realizing their biggest dreams. It is the creator of achievement.
Without applying discipline to our lives we tend to let things slide. A little bit here, and a little bit there. And there within lies the problem. The "little bit here" and the "little bit there" all adds up. Outside of a really horrendous life decision being made that can alter your life in an instant, a person failing to reach their personal or professional goals can usually be traced back to the moments when they "should have"...but didn't. You could be a college student, for example, who has an important exam coming up and instead of studying like you "should have," you decided to go to the big game. When you take that exam and don't do as well as you could have done there is nobody to blame except yourself. If that type of poor judgement and lack of self control is repeated throughout your academic career, this can be a problem.
There is nothing I have ever achieved that wasn't the direct result of utilizing self discipline. On the flip side most of my life's failings, with the advantage of hindsight being the great teacher that it is, were the direct result of not utilizing self discipline or self control. Having personal responsibility and accountability requires a high degree of self discipline. They go hand and hand like peanut butter and jelly.
Talk to ANY successful person about what it took for them to reach the level of success they enjoy, and you will most likely come away with a lesson on how to properly set priorities...and more importantly...see them through. They use words like sacrifice. They delayed the instant gratification that was before them many many times because they were focused on the bigger vision/goal that was lying in the distance. That takes discipline. Everybody wants to go to the big game. Not everybody does however. Some want the A+ on the exam instead. Discipline.
Being able to say NO to others is an important skill to learn. Being able to say NO to yourself is absolutely vital to your success. This was perfectly demonstrated using young children in the famous Stanford Marshmallow Test.
"Man never made any material as resilient as the human spirit."...Bernard Williams
Let's take a moment to talk about something serious. I want to lift a few people up today who may stumble across this blog and be in need of these very words. And what I'd like to blog about is strength. Personal strength. The type of personal strength that enables a person to deal with the hardest moments that life has to offer.
First of all let's lay the railroad tracks. You're stronger than you think. I'm convinced that personal strength is just inherent in our genetic makeup. The will to survive, and not only survive but thrive, is what has made us the remarkable species that we are. That and our intelligence.
Pain and suffering is a part of life. We all encounter it and it cannot be avoided. I wish I could have told my sons that their grandma and grandpa we're never going to die...and for that matter neither will their Mom and I. They found out already however, with the loss of their grandparents on my side of the family, that death is a very real part of life. The death of a beloved family member or friend, or even a beloved pet, is one of the most heart wrenching things that we as people can experience. It feels as if your heart is literally being ripped from your chest. There are no words to describe that type of emotional anguish so I'm not even going to try and attempt it.
There is the pain of being rejected. You could be in a situation where the object of your desires simply doesn't feel the same way...or that your significant other has fallen out of love with you. That is a sting that penetrates to the core as well. Plenty of songs have been written about unrequited love. Or the pain of being rejected by one's peers, or colleagues. Sometimes not fitting in can be crushing to a person. We are social animals and in my opinion the need to belong is crucial to our self worth. Especially when we are young.
I could go on and on. The pain of falling short on your goals, or your dreams and ambitions. The pain of not measuring up to either your own...or someone who you respect's expectations. A coach, a teammate, an employer. Failure can be quite painful. Disappointment sucks to be frank about it. The pain of losing a job or running into financial ruins. All real issues that cause pain for us.
Here is where we turn it around! We are remarkable beings who have the ability to overcome these painful realities. Make no mistake about that. No matter how deep the wound is, we can extract something from each and every painful life experience and grow from it...become stronger from it.
I am not saying that the pain disappears entirely...I'm not trying to fool anybody who has lost a loved one into thinking that even 20 years into the future they won't feel a certain degree of sadness. That's a basic human emotion from which you cannot escape. But we can control them and deal with them. What I am saying is that after you process the initial hurt, a change occurs. Kind of the biological equivalent of when a bone breaks and when it heals it is stronger that ever. You develop the ability to relate and help others who will undergo the same type of life experiences. You develop the compassion and empathy to guide other family members and friends through the tumultuous waters of pain and despair. You've developed a new level of emotional strength.
The cornerstone of bouncing back is FAITH. Faith in your God and faith in...yourself. It's important to cultivate a strong enough belief and value system to help you endure the most trying of times. It helps with all the coping necessary to deal. This is a type of spirituality that eludes some, where others are rich in it. I have seen unbelievable demonstrations of how having strong faith aids a person to remain rock strong. Stories from the 9/11 attacks, the Holocaust, & natural disasters like hurricane Katrina abound in where people profess that the way they have dealt with the aftermath...often painful aftermaths...comes by way of their faith.
You can bounce back. You're stronger than you think. We all are. Sometimes life just requires us to dig real deep and find the source of that strength. Find it...grab hold of it...and own it. You'll answer the question "How resilient are you?" And you'll be happy and proud of the answer. You are stronger than you think brothers and sisters. Like Les Brown always says: "When life knocks you down try to land on your back, because if you can look up, then you can get up."
***Having said that, I just want to close on this note. There are many amongst us who have life experiences so traumatic that they need professional help to overcome their pain. Long held addictions, post traumatic stress disorder situations, abusive relationships, and a number of other types of situations can cause people to become overloaded. We need to realize that these people are in need of caring professionals to help them. We should always be vigilant and concerned about them.
"One way to get the most out of life is to look at it as an adventure."...William Feather
So I go into my sons room to roust him out of bed this morning. My two sons share a room together and one is in Jr. High and one is in high school. Since that is the case, I do my youngest son the favor of letting him have uninterrupted sleep and I wake up Nicky as quietly as possible instead of having Kevin waken up by a blaring alarm clock a half hour before he needs to be.
Well as it turns out Nick was up probably a little later than he should have been, watching the NBA playoffs since our city Cleveland is in the Eastern Conference Finals and his favorite player of course in the incredible LeBron James. So I wasn't upset. But after several attempts to get him up quietly...to which he wasn't responding well to...I had to raise my "Dad" voice a wee bit to motivate him.
As he was eating breakfast he asked me why he couldn't sleep in 10 or 15 minutes more. I seized on an opportunity to discuss the importance of habits. I explained that there are good habits and bad habits, and habits are what shape the results of our lives. Getting out of bed as quick as possible is a good habit. Anybody can lay in bed for another 10-15 minutes and think about how tired they are...but is it REALLY going to help? Some would say "Hell Yes!", but to be honest it's never worked for me. It usually sets a negative tone for the day. I prefer to think of a few things I'm grateful for and a few things that might help get me excited about the day that I'm about to embark upon.
I told him that as he starts the day he should be excited! This great adventure called life could surprise him on any given day. Today could be the day that he meets his future wife! By the way, he looked at me like I was crazy when I said that. It could be the day that he meets a future business partner or that he gets an idea that could send him in the direction of his greatest dream. Anything can happen on any day.
The point is that we don't need to view each day as routine. We should be excited to see what is waiting for us as the day unfolds. As paraphrase the great Jim Rohn, its about what we can get FROM each day...not just getting THROUGH each day! If you observe young children you'll notice that within a very short time they are up and enthusiastically attacking their day! Yes. I know going to the job doesn't have the same appeal that watching cartoons does. But certainly there's some sort of challenge that you can create or objective that you can meet in your workday that can get you a little fired up. Perhaps it's just the group of people you're working with. When I was in my late 20's I worked a construction job with a few fellows who I had a ball with. The work was hard but I tell you we had a lot of laughs while I worked there and I came away with some very funny stories and memories.
Your life can be an adventure if you view it as such. It's all in your attitude. And if you're so miserable that you can barely drag yourself through the day...if you're in a situation where you absolutely can't stand who you work with or what you do...I would suggest taking action. Strong action. That type of existence and those types of feeling will absolutely kill you. I believe both literally and figuratively. Begin looking for a change. Perhaps a better employment situation. Perhaps taking the risk to becoming your own boss. Perhaps returning to school to acquire a new skill set. There are plenty of options available. Don't settle for a miserable existence. While every single day isn't going to be a pleasure cruise, certainly it doesn't have to be the type of life whereby you begin to resemble an extra on the Walking Dead show! As Robin Sharma said: "Don't live the same year 75 times and call it a life." IF you're not happy with it I would add! Remember...you live for the experience! It's not the years in your life...it's the life in your years!
"Every character is asking: 'What's my place? Why am I here?' I don't want the answer to be 'Just because.' You find your own purpose. Each finds the reasons to be here and contribute."...Sharon Creech
I'm pretty sure everybody would agree that in order to achieve anything in life you have to give forth a certain amount of effort. And it stands to reason that the more effort you put forth, the more you'll get in return. As the saying goes: "Hard work pays off." The secret sauce behind your very best effort however, is knowing what motivates you. It's knowing the answer to the question: "What is your WHY?"
Everybody has reasons behind whatever it is that they choose to do in this world. Based on everything I've learned from knowing, observing, and studying high achievers, all of them have a very clearly defined WHY behind their tremendous efforts and achievements. Having a very clearly defined and compelling reason WHY is a prerequisite to success. It will provide you with the extra motivation and desire that you need to overcome the challenges and obstacles that you are sure to encounter in pursuit of your goals.
Your WHY is usually personal and deep rooted. Often...but not always...a person's WHY originates from a place of pain. It may be that a person has hit rock bottom in a situation and they made a promise to themselves that they were going to make a substantial change. It may be stemming from a type of loss that one suffered, or that one possibly faces if strong action isn't taken. Or it could be that a person recognizes a special talent or skill that they possess, and are challenging themselves to become the all time best at something. They realize that they owe it to themselves to self optimize. Or it could be that somebody's WHY is very altruistic. The reason they do their best and give it their all is for other people. To provide for them. Once again, your reason is personal. I mean, of course you can share it with other people, but it comes from within...it's something that you don't have to justify to others. It's something that has deep meaning to you, and that you feel passionate about. It could be connected to a big dream you have.
I would advocate writing your WHY down on paper and connecting it to your goals. Don't just write it down, but review it several times a day...especially in demanding moments. This can serve as an excellent source of motivation. For example if you're a salesman you could write "I want to be the number one salesman in my district by the end of this year in order to give my family the dream vacation in Europe that they always wanted." That's something specific...it's tied to a goal...and the why is clearly stated. It's to deliver pleasure to this salesman's family. His/her WHY is stemming from something altruistic...although I'm sure the emotional payoff is pretty big for themselves also if they can pull it off. A win win situation for sure!
The very most powerful WHY's are when we have them for what we consider our life's purpose. We can find the drive within ourselves to accomplish anything we desire with a calling such as this. The life we live should have meaning, and with meaning comes deep purpose. It's impossible to separate the two. It is no small wonder that many peoples life purpose centers around serving others. To contribute to the betterment of the human condition. The "SELFLESS WHY'S." I am convinced that this is the Secret Sauce to the 10th power! If you've never given serious thought towards what your lifes purpose is...if you feel that your life has no meaning...than perhaps some serious spiritual and self inspection is necessary. We all have a purpose. Every single one of us.
"Make it a habit to tell people thank you. To express your appreciation, sincerely and without the expectation of anything in return. Truly appreciate those around you, and you'll soon find many others around you. Truly appreciate life, and you'll find that you have more of it."...Ralph Marston
I am sure with many people it comes intuitively. And I know that there are people who make sure their children are raised in such a manner that appreciation is a part of their fabric, part of their being. That's parenting done right. With many of us, however, it is something that we need to recognize and cultivate more. The art of appreciation, when mastered, can result in you becoming a new person, not just in the eyes of others but in your own self perception.
Appreciation is showing "them" you care. Showing all the people around you that they have meaning in your life. It's doing something simple like taking the time to make a special home cooked meal for your family. It's listening to your children when you're spent but they are excited about something and want to share it with you. It's taking a few minutes to rub your dog's belly. It's lending a helping hand to a neighbor when they are stuck in the driveway after a heavy Cleveland snow! Ok that one's personal...but my neighbor sure appreciated it. It's showing a customer or client you remember them with by sending a birthday, Christmas, or anniversary card, or even better by going the extra mile to help them solve a problem or achieve a goal they have. Delivering far more than they expected.
Gifts are nice! There are times when a great gift is appropriate. But everyday well intentioned gestures are rarely a matter of money. It costs you nothing to pick up the phone and call an elderly relatative or an old friend you haven't spoken with in awhile. It costs you very little to pack a picnic basket and take your significant other somewhere to spend some time with them. Somewhere with a spectacular view that they may have spoken about at an earlier time. It costs you nothing to observe that somebody is in a time of need and offer them an ear to confide in without judgement.
With some effort, and a little creativity, you can wow somebody through the art of appreciation. It's too damn easy to fall into the routine of taking everything for granted. We have a tendency to do this. Our family and friends. Our neighbors and coworkers. Our community and country. It makes sense to begin to revive the relationships around us with a renewed sense of appreciation towards them and life in general. Remember...this life we are leading is not a practice run. Love and happiness are not the types of things that you should be waiting for, but instead they are the type of things to be experienced TODAY. Right here in this present moment. And it is only with appreciation and sincere gratitude for the many many things that we're probably taking for granted on an everyday basis that allows true happiness to be felt.
Let's take a moment sometime this week to think about 2 or 3 things we can do to show some of "them" that they are appreciated. And then repeat every week with a few more of "them." The Universal Law of Reciprocity dictates that appreciation will find it's way back to you for doing so. How could it be any other way? Think about it.
